Let’s say that robots are introduced into the NHL. They’re programmed to play with the playing style of the best players of a given franchise, and each player-bot only gets assigned to one team. Sorry LA, New York, and St. Louis, Wayne Gretzky-bot only goes to Edmonton.
Each robot also plays at the same level of each player in his best year. That means that those best years should correlate with the teams they’re assigned to. Which is why Marian Hossa isn’t on the Blackhawks.
Which brings up: how do I decide which player goes on which team? In other sports, namely baseball, it would be their hall of fame team. Unfortunately, the HHOF doesn’t deal with “Hall of Fame teams”. So we’re looking at which teams, subjectively, the players played their best hockey with.
Let’s start with the Original Six because they have the richest (aka longest) history. We’ll start with Canada, and work our way across the league in a sort of clockwise fashion.
Montreal Canadiens
LW – C – RW
Dickie Moore – Jean Beliveau – Maurice Richard
Howie Morenz – Jacques Lemaire – Guy LaFleur
Newsy LaLonde – Henri Richard – Yvan Cournoyer
Toe Blake – Elmer Lach – Bernie Geoffrion
D
Larry Robinson – Doug Harvey
G
Thoughts: This is a ridiculously stacked team. Carey Price and Bill Durnan don’t even make the list as goaltenders. The offense is chock full of Top 100 players. The first pairing is a ridiculous defensive pairing. Actually, that whole defense is solid. This team is really amazing to look at, and Montreal wins the Cup 90/100 with this team. It’s just… it’s just amazing to look at. Montreal is the early favorite for being the best team. They just need better depth at defense.
Toronto Maple Leafs
LW – C – RW
Frank Mahovlich – Darryl Sittler – Babe Dye
Busher Jackson – Ted Kennedy – Charlie Conacher
Wendel Clark – Mats Sundin – George Armstrong
Dave Keon – Syl Apps – Doug Gilmour
D
G
Thoughts: This Maple Leafs team is stacked. If you accept loaded with two-way players as stacked. They have one of the best defensive defensemen in history in Salming. They have one of the best Selke quality centers in Sittler. They have a pure goal scorer in Dye. They have Sundin and Clark playing together. Then you have names like Horton, Clancy, Apps, old timey hard playing SOBs. Then you have one of the best playoff goaltenders in Broda. Stacked.
Chicago Blackhawks
LW – C – RW
Bobby Hull – Stan Mikita – Patrick Kane
Jeremy Roenick – Denis Savard – Steve Larmer
Al Secord – Jonathan Toews – Bill Mosienko
Doug Bentley – Max Bentley – Mush March
D
G
Thoughts: This team is stacked. I just didn’t want to bring that up and sound even more biased. The team is better rounded than perhaps even Montreal, because of the Blackhawks’ depth at defense. From tough guy Seibert to Norris winning Duncan Keith, the Blackhawks top 4 defense is top of the league, talent-wise. In net, even Ed Belfour and Tony Esposito are left out, two of the best goaltenders of all-time. The Blackhawks are gritty, with guys like Al Secord. They’re fast, with that top line of just pure talent. They’re two-way able, with Toews and Mikita. Just a great team.
Detroit Red Wings
LW – C – RW
Ted Lindsay – Steve Yzerman – Gordie Howe
Alex Delvecchio – Sergei Federov – Igor Larionov
Henrik Zetterberg – Pavel Datsyuk – Dylan Larkin
Sid Abel – Kris Draper – John Ogrodnick
D
Vladimir Konstantinov – Niklas Kronwall
Viacheslav Fetisov – Reed Larson
G
Thoughts: I don’t know if there’s a team with better center depth on this team. I mean, Yzerman, Federov, Datsyuk, Draper. That’s an amazing list of players, and they’ve all won cups. Then, you come across that list of defenders. Gives Boston a run for their money, with Lidstrom, Kronwall, and the Russians. Hell, even in net, the Red Wings are set. They’re one of the later developing Original Six teams, but they’re still really good at every position.
Boston Bruins
LW – C – RW
Johnny Bucyk – Phil Esposito – Cam Neely
Brad Marchand – Milt Schmidt – Terry O’Reilly
Milan Lucic – Nels Stewart – Rick Middleton
Wayne Cashman – Patrice Bergeron – Adam Oates
G
Thoughts: This is probably the best defense of any robotic team in the league. Eddie Shore and Zdeno Chara is certainly the best second pairing, especially that prime tower that was Zdeno Chara. Like, if any of those four are out on the ice – Orr, Bourque, Chara, Shore – you’re not getting the puck past them. Unfortunately, the rest of that team is iffy. Three players from the 2010 Cup are on the team. Milan Lucic is one of the Bruins’ best left wings. Cam Neely is their best right wing. But man, that defense. They just might stop everybody, and then whatever goals their offense gets wins them games. Dit Clapper’s robot gets turned off by applause, so fans have to be very quiet when he’s on the ice.
New York Rangers
LW – C – RW
Andy Bathgate – Frank Boucher – Mike Gartner
Adam Graves – Jean Ratelle – Bill Cook
Vic Hadfield – Walt Tkaczuk – Rod Gilbert
Bun Cook – Derek Stepan – Bryan Hextall
D
G
Thoughts: Lastly, the New York Rangers. With Mark Messier going in (at least in my books) as an Edmonton Oiler, the New York Rangers are kind of lackluster. Many of their players come from the early days of the NHL, and they have two of their current players in their lineup. That’s not out of sheer earning it, like Kane, Toews, and Keith. It’s like Lucic, out of sheer necessity. Although it may be argued once McDonaugh calls it quits that he’s one of the best Rangers defenders in history. It kind of sucks that a lot of the 1994 Rangers go down as other teams’ players. The Rangers are a goaltending team, and three of the best were left off – Ed Giacomin, Dave Kerr, and John Vanbiesbrouck.